March 4, 2013

'without you'

i'm not emotionally damaged anymore. but i have moments that i really miss you. so badly that i can't stop my heart beating. i know you won't read this but i need to share my feelings with or without you. that smile gave me such a cold and sick feeling. i can almost feel you everywhere and i'm so terrified! i can't petrify my heart but i can let it happen. it's so sad that we used to know each other so damn good and now? now we are completely strangers. we choose it, right?!
i didn't choose to sleep with you and take away my love. did you?
i didn't choose to love you but it happened and it was the greatest thing ever. what happened to us darling?! who can choose for us, if we are not?
the thing is that even when i'm sleeping i dream about you all the time. i can't stop loving you like this. love it's not a bubble soap. give me a nail and it's done. i tried to understand what you feel, to understand your needs but i can't step on your steps when you're running away. like nothing happened. and the question is why we are still in love? 
why can't you see how much i need you? how much i needed that hug when i failed? how much i missed your voice saying that i'm yours no matter what. where are your eyes looking so happy when i'm in pain? why other girls are so important to you? and why your friends are so funny when you don't have the time to stay with me?
you lie. i lied- and we are not the same. not as we would like to be. the point is that i'm still in love with your eyes, your arms and your smile. i'm so in love with your voice and i wish i had the power to get back in time and grab you to leave from here. to get lost anywhere in this world. away from everything, to have our own story. to live by ourselves. but now..i don't have the courage darling.
without you the feeling of sadness has no ending.
the important thing is that reality breaks my heart but in my dreams i can create my own world where you hold me in your arms and your love fill me with hapiness. how much i can do it? i don't know but i hope that one day or one minute you will stop and grab my hand and say: 'let's do it.'

my darling,
one love-one breath-last fight.

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